I stepped outside of the hospital and took a deep breath. It had been a long month. It was a beautiful spring day and the light breeze was refreshing. I headed to the park across the road stopping at the sandwich shop first since I had not eaten since breakfast yesterday. I paid the clerk and stepped back outside and headed for a bench that was positioned in front of the pond. The water was soothing, the birds singing, and a mother duck with her little family were busy swimming around the pond.
Taking the sandwich out of the bag I unwrapped it and took a bite. Although it was one of my favorites it just didn’t seem to have any taste. I was bone tired and yet could not sleep when I would lay down at night. Dad had been admitted to the hospital with pneumonia, and it was three weeks before the doctors said he would make it. Mom was not only exhausted, she too was sick. She had been dealing with Parkinson’s for two years now and had experienced a real rough spot. Days were spent with Dad and nights with mom. My work had been gracious in giving me an extended leave with pay so I did not have to be concerned about my job or obligations. My husband was being both mom and dad to our three little rug rats and had been completely supportive of me. I missed them all terribly. Being an only child, there were no siblings to share thoughts, tears and long nights.
There was a sound breaking into the silence of my thoughts. Looking up I saw them, children playing London Bridge is Falling Down and laughing. I realized that’s how I felt. The bridges were beginning to crumble and I felt they would fall soon. My heart hurt, my body moved like a robot. It was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other, yet I knew I must. I felt the warmth of tears as they ran down my cheek. I wanted to hit something, throw something, or scream at the top of my voice! Where are you Lord in all this?
As tears continued to fall, God gently reminded me, “I’m right here! You don’t have to pretend with me. I can handle your screaming, hurt or questions. Just talk with me. I walk each step with you whether those steps are easy or hard. Remember you are never alone.”
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. – Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV
I went by home before heading to Mom’s. I gave and got some much wanted and needed hugs. When I got to Mom’s, we talked for a while. She was ready to have her man of 60 years back home. We both got ready for bed, and that night I fell into the arms of Jesus and slept. Knowing He held tomorrow and me in His hands.
Father God, thank you that you know us better than we know ourselves. That there is nothing we cannot bring to you. That you are bigger than anything we might be experiencing and can handle our screams or questions. Thank you for your promise “I will never leave you or forsake you.”
The WM Team